I arrive at my vehicle to find that the accursed flock of seagulls have, once again,
decorated it in their inimitable fashion. Splattered in concentric circles,
windscreen, bonnet and BOTH front doors.
The diuretic bastards with their
machine gun arses, achieving in moments what would take mere pigeons, hours. Mind you
the clue Is in 'flock', there's shed loads of them, all circling the street squawking
like banshees, no doubt taking arse aim at the merest hint of a green motor vehicle.
From heights of 30 feet and more they manange to splatterdash my beloved green machine whilst missing my neighbours car parked slap bang next to it! I'm taking this personally, very personally indeed.
I want to know where on earth has this urban plague developed from?We'd
come accustomed to the omnipresent filthy pigeons, they're a nuisance, but by and
large, small, quiet and unobstrusive. Smaller arses for one thing.
Not
seagulls! Have you seen them up close? They're bloody huge. They make a infernal
racket and, when they are swooping about above you, nothing is safe from the
aforementioned poop!except perhaps my neighbours vauxhall as mentioned.
I'd read a piece recently whereby bird charities
were pleading with cat owners to keep tiddles in at night in an effort to
mitigate the losses to the bird populations....I'm sending my cat OUT at night
armed with pre-sharpened claws and a picture of a seagull...kill puss
kill....
Not that I'd have a hope in hell, she's not daft our cat, she'll
chase squirrels and the male cat next door but seagulls? Not on your
nelly.
Perhaps they mistake my car for a trawler? I'd imagine these particular seagulls have neevr even seen the bloody sea so its quite conceivable.Somewhere in their feathery genes they know they're supposed to swoop and holler over something that moves below them at a somewhat stately pace.....trawlers at sea, the green machine in downtown Birmingham, nature will then invariably take its course, hatches will be opened and dive bombing commenced.
I'm annoyed enough now to write to my good friend Kim, asking her to send me a gun, what works for
Grackles ......
