Truly Biblical

Having freed the toilet from blockage by the biggest log I've ever seen, excuse the graphic imagery but we are talking full sized swiss roll here, I pondered how any human being could pass such an object and walk straight afterwards. I even enquired of staff if they'd noticed anyone using the toilet who came out afterwards noticeably smaller. Staff just looked at me as if I were talking Swahili, a look I get quite often.

I must confess to utilising the odd public lavatory on occasion what with my advancing years and what have you (do bladders shrink or something?) but I successfully manage to do so without leaving, 6 foot long toilet roll streamers, 2 inch deep pools of water and/or some other suspicious liquid. I also manage to wash my hands without smearing the sink with soap or worse still nicking said soap! How desperate for soap must one get before stealing it from store bathrooms?

I've also never and I repeat NEVER left logs of biblical proportions!