Good Old Times

Young Liam from Guyscliffe in his short career so far, has become quite a favourite with the regular (old) ladies. His boyish looks and ability for looking interested at all times has rendered him the chief object of their need to unload......so to speak.... and so, he is often to be found trapped at the till point by some old dear regaling him with her recent life history.

His aforementioned knack for displaying an interested face leaves the old ladies blissfully unaware that he has, in fact, fallen asleep eyes open and standing to attention......not THAT kind of standing to attention, he likes old ladies but not THAT much......at least this is what I'm convinced is happening. No one can stand so attentively to attention(!) listening to what 'our Gladys said to our Mabel last Thursday week at Primark' without losing the will to live surely?

The beauty of all this is that I can sidle.....again with the sidling...off to a quiet spot at the merest suggestion of old folk knowing that I'm not even on their radar now, which is set strictly to Liam, and while he listens to this weeks adventures in bingoing and the like, I can laugh at his predicament via cctv. Its brilliant, I should have hired a decoy years ago.

Of course I'm still highly careful on the shop floor because Liam isn't always around and when they cant get the fresh faced boy wonder, they'll invariably head for me!

For example we have 2 (not 1 but 2!) 'jokers' who come in the store every morning, both lovely people don't get me wrong but, if you think you've at some point in your life seen the worlds worst comedian(s) think again until you've met ours! As I said there is 2 of them, I think they rota the store in shifts because you can guarantee that when your working delivery, you will be accosted by one or the other with today's 'joke' for want of a better description.

The old guy has a love for our young Indian lads (platonic purely platonic) he loves to corner them by the chillers, putting his arm around them and clutching them to his chest, he 'batters' them with his jokes. I've asked the lads after ward on a few occasions what he said to them and they do not have a clue! He leaves the store laughing like a drain and the Satheeshs and Charis are left standing there with bemused expressions on their faces.

They put up with all this unwarranted physical contact without complaint and I admire their professionalism. I'm not sure I could stand being assaulted daily by an old man's arm pit while being regaled with bad jokes I cant even understand. I wouldn't mind but the jokes always call for a response, the lads laugh nervously and the old guy takes this as confirmation that he is indeed hilarious guffawing his way to the door basking in the glow of his M&S audience.

And then there is the old lady, the old lady who's convinced she knows me personally. She wanders in of a morning cracking jokes at whoever's within earshot and then launches into a conversation with me at the mid way point, as if we'd not finished our chat from earlier! I honestly don't understand a word she says.....she IS English and IS (apparently) speaking English but she and I have a communication barrier unsurpassed, she blathers away ending with an earthy cackle and I nod and laugh along as if I've understood every word and found her hilarious.

To be fair she seems happy enough with this I only pray she never tells me her dog has died or something. Although hopefully she wouldn't have a big goofy grin on her face in that instance. Now if we could only get her to remember her teeth before she leaves the house........