The Man. The Pope.

This September the Midlands and surrounding area, (such as Warwick) will be graced by a visit from his holiness the Pope!

As a good catholic boy by upbringing I am naturally very excited at the prospect of the pontiff popping into Guyscliff for a packet of pork scratchings and my retailers brain has been kicking into gear with ideas,

1. We must have a merchandising stand, like the England stand, replica flags papal hats and rosary beads. Pope on tour t-shirts even, WARWICK SEPT 2010.... Nothing too garish or tatty so we should perhaps discount Flowerfete as a supplier. Not unless we want little plastic wind up Popes on till 3.....I might suggest that one actually.

2. Naturally there will be an awful lot of holy folk in the vicinity, many of them while here may accumulate rather urgent confessional needs. We should provide for these needs by offering to situate a few portable confessional booths here on the forecourt. Naturally these booths will appear somewhat similar to portable toilets so careful signage will be essential, we wouldn't want any unfortunate accidents whereby some unsuspecting priest gets an unwelcome shower.....

3. It is entirely feasible that his holiness will visit one of our stores, I'm unsure of the protocol around whether we should upsell to the Pope, or even if he carries money in his...robe type thing....but wine of the month is particularly cost effective for communion wine I guess we could ask if he needs any? Failing that please revert to the little plastic wind up Popes on till 3

4. Queing for the Popes autograph should be discouraged although I do believe it is customary for catholics to kiss the papal ring....I don't know whether a private room should be assigned for this? ….ohhh ring as in Jewellery.... Phew!.....

5. Bp is a secular company renowned for acceptance of ,and respect for, all religions and beliefs therefore any favoritism shown toward the Pope cannot be tolerated and he must, in effect, be treated as a normal customer. He is probably just as annoying as a normal customer....I feel sure he has a Nectar card already but should he not, then it is our duty to encorage him to set one up, he can take the pack today, pop it in the glovebox of the Pope mobile then jump online when he's back at the Vatican and register at his leisure. Advise him there is probably a Sainsbury local in St Peters square.

6. Do not mention the war. If there are any old folk in attendance on the day likely to mention the war please have them locked in a suitable cupboard for the duration. A non-confrontational headlock is authorised for use during the Papal visit. ( Although his holiness is alleged to have been Hitler youth as a boy he assures the world it was because he liked the uniform).......

7. If there are large crowds and the opportunity presents itself, a few bottles of Volvic water blessed by the holy father would sell like hot cakes afterwards. Email Dwayne to send extra in labelled for holy water purposes.

8. With our own beloved Stonebridge winning a trip to SA for the world cup perhaps Flowerfete could be persuaded to sponsor a foreign trip based on sales of the little plastic wind up Popes?

9. Friday focus upsell item for Sept will, naturally enough, be the little plastic wind up Popes.