Jargon Buster

Andy - The man behind the funny, also Store Manager
Me - Doing his dirty work
BP - British Petroleum
CSA - Customer (S - Dont Know) (A - Not too sure)
Solihull - A place
HHT - ( Something ) ( Something ) Terminal
BP M&S - Sells food, fuel, booze, no clothes, definitely no ponies
Undertaker - Andy's Neighbour
Ennit - Brummie Slang for Isn't It ( I think )

Anything Else - Go back to school!

Dear QE2

The queue is an interminable length, 4 people ....but then this is the doctors surgery reception and 4 people will take an eternity, as always..... I'm person 4 and can only stand and daydream as the usual nonsense plays out before me.


Its guaranteed that of the 3 receptionists only one will be actually dealing with patients. The other two will be doing indefinable things with folders and telephones perfecting that look of extreme busyness while accomplishing nothing. I've worked with people who're masters at this, broom pushers, trolley amblers and cleaning spray carriers, they don't actually do anything but transport said items to different locations until their time runs down. Oxygen thieves was the way a colleague referred to them. Cruel but somewhat apt.


So, I'm standing in the queue, as usual ruminating over exactly wtf was holding things up. (My heart sinks every single time I walk in to find myself behind an old person! Worse if its more than one.)


This time the old person at the front was discussing where he needed to be, 2 (2!) Of the receptionists were now consulting his paperwork, umming and ahhing over it with a typical lack of urgency, meanwhile his wife added to the confused rapport by loudly discussing what to do for dinner.


Seemingly no one, apart from me, was listening to the poor old dear and I nearly shouted out, 'ffs do the sausages' in answer to her plea but thought better of it. Meanwhile the greek tragedy that was the old mans appointment, played out before us. Again I, briefly, held the urge to interject loudly,' look just send him to the effing nurse' but once again, rather cowardly kept schtum.


Anyway, when they'd finally deciphered between the four of them (5 if u include the food obsessed wife )that, a)he was indeed booked to see a nurse and, b) he would be having the sausages, the queue finally moved on. Receptionist a went back to serving and rec.b returned to advanced file carrying, never for one moment considering helping with the queue of course. Normality resumed and I began to feel that maybe sometime this month it would be my turn.


But oh no, fate decided to play a different hand as an elderly guy, not in the queue, suddenly marched up and started talking to the receptionist as she were mid serving, she held him off, showing him the hand, while finishing with her current client. However, when this finished and to my utter amazement, she then dealt with the queue jumping interloper! I was apoplectic with indignation but still 2 people back, the person who was rightfully next just stood there like a pleb!( Maybe the illusion was swan like and underneath the calm exterior she was actually a raging inferno of balled up fury?)


Anyway, it turned out the interloper was looney tunes and he'd queue jumped only to ask the receptionist if she knew the queens address, yes THE queen. He'd had a hefty electricity bill and wanted to complain to her maj in the hope that she'd agree it was unwarranted! I heard all this from my place in the queue and then 3 more times as the recptionist regaled the rest of her queue, me included, with the sorry tale. He wanted to write to the queen' she chortled to me, 'just gimme my effing prescription' I replied....or at least I wished I'd replied I actually affected an amused expression and wittered something like, 'some people eh?'

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