The Crunch

Dear Mr Harding,

Despite the current credit crunch and my own understanding that we need to cut costs I fear I must ask for extra hours, not in the day you understand as I appreciate that is beyond your remit, but on my wages budget. You see, there are many new things afoot, within our beloved b.p, that play heavily on my time. For example it now takes me 15 minutes longer to leave the house every morning after 'badging' up. By the time I have pinned all in place, ensuring they don't overlap and obscure each other, and cleaned up the blood from the stab wounds (crack of dawn and badge location don't go well together, thank God we don't do trouser badges! Please don't forward that as an idea to the marketing team) I've forgotten where I'm supposed to be going!

Then when I do finally get to work and have to print off the daily M&S ticket files, this takes further time tearing the new perforations, I'm convinced evil minds work in M&S ticketing,looking for new ways to mess with bp minds, “lads lads , lets make the perforations so tiny they need tweezers to separate them” . This obviously includes the morning 'headbang' ritual as I try to understand which day the tickets are actually meant for. Encouraged to to make a weeks worth of ticket files on the wall we're now receiving 2-3 weeks in advance, I fear I will be wallpapering the office at this rate and with my absent mindedness this is likely to include the door. I will thus be unable to go home without crashing through a week next Tuesday, rendering that days ticketing useless and leaving the poor sod on that am the odourous task of trying to find new ones!

The third (potential) time constraint is around the new AMSCREEN digital counter display thing. This is purportedly going to include up to date traffic reports. I implore you to take this option out? Mr Harding, we have old people among our customers,they cannot be let loose on a screen displaying up to date traffic reports, they'd spend hours in store arguing the accuracy, holding up queues and falling asleep as they become mesmorised by its flashing imagery. Traffic, weather and the price of stamps should be subjects automatically banned, I'd be grateful if you'd give Sir Alan a bell about this asap.