Dress to kill

With the news from last weeks conference calls that a new uniform is imminent (being reviewed with the whole of Europe!) I've been giving it some serious thought. I believe cost effectiveness will be a major consideration , as usual, but also feel that the uniform could incorporate other aspects of our business such as safety and convenience.

The trousers, for example, should consist almost entirely of pockets! Pockets in all shapes and sizes(with zips), to the tune of maybe as many as 17. These would allow the prepared manager to venture onto the shop floor fully equipped for all eventualities. Pockets filled with, pens, notepads, complaint forms, hht, pricing gun, labels, mini fire extinguisher, application packs(!) phone, not for personal calls you understand but in order to quickly alert police to shoplifters. Confrontation figures would actually GO DOWN from wearing the new trousers as anyone carrying that amount of weight will be incapable of chasing anyone, no matter how much steak has been secreted up their jumper! Secret pockets could even be included to carry small quantities of change for ease of use. Armed robbers would be very unlikely to inspect the insides of a managers trousers for theft purposes. Mr's Brendan smile of anticipation on Brendan's return home would soon vanish when he explained, "no no love it's a bag of 5p's I swear!"

With this being the age of safety any new uniform MUST surely include hsse adaptations.I would suggest as standard, knee pads, elbow pads and helmets. Not that we'd be expecting staff to skateboard around the store (although these might improve productivity!) but with the sheer quantity of asa conversations that are, slip, trips and falls related our staff are, clearly, in grave danger and must be protected from themselves! Some of our erstwhile staff may take exception to wearing such equipment, it is after all difficult enough getting them to wear a badge but the benefits would soon become clear. Just think, We could start to store inappropriate items at unsafe heights again without fear, thus increasing our warehouse space tenfold. Glass bottles danger of falling? NO PROBLEM for we are helmeted!

I appreciate also that the uniform itself being high-vis might be costly and therefore suggest we utilise existing hi-vis vests and the sewing talents of our staff. Stitch a couple of arms onto each vest and hey presto you have ready made ...CHEAP.....uniform.

We have an opportunity to be market leaders here, you wont catch the Tesco's and the Sainsburys being this innovative with their uniforms. Not for them the cutting edge of hsse and fashion.