Changing a planogram I laid my stuff out carefully so as to avoid
obstructing our beloved customers, I worked back against an area of the
shop without product and therefore (theoretically) somewhere customers
didn't need to walk, after all there were 3 different routes to take to
get past me.
After the 14th customer had barged their way past me.......one large
lady even 'bottomed' me as I was slightly off balanced , literally
striking me with one of her ample cheeks, the left I believe, and I
almost ended up in the chiller...... the end of my tether was firmly in
sight and when an elderly gentleman(!) not only barged past but then
tried to come back the same way I snapped!
I grabbed him forcibly by the arm and performed a citizens
arrest......obstructing a retailer about his retail duties.......and,
placing him in a non-confrontational headlock I was able to bind his
hands with cable ties until the police arrived. The police were unaware
of the law relating to 'obstructing a retailer about his retail duties'
but with a new coalition Government in place and a strong desire to go
to lunch, were prepared to take my word for it. Police time is far too
precious to waste on things such as facts.
While the first part of this tale did indeed happen and has happened 44
times before (apart maybe from the ladies cheek assault which was a
first for me), the remainder was,sadly, in my head alone. I did not
accost any elderly gentlemen and the police didn't come when called,
these are fantasies I must learn to overcome.......note to self, get
better fantasies asap......
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