Retail For Dummies

In an effort to sell more of the England crap....I mean merchandise.... I decided what we needed was a mannequin, as they have in clothing stores to properly present the items for sale. Being able to see how they'd look worn is a useful sales tool. Sadly our budget does not run to the cost of a mannequin and therefore, still keen to fully show off the England cr.....stuff, we must improvise!

We did consider misappropriating one from Top shop by sending Liam to walk out with one hand in hand (as if they were a couple), but Barry from Rugby rd told me that this doesn't work and only leads to arrest and a difficult conversation with Mrs Barry from Rugby rd, and so, plan B it was then....

It wasn't easy persuading Satheesh to spend hours each day as a mannequin but, for the good of the store, he was persuaded.....counselling: reasonable managerial request, spend a day as a mannequin , Fagoon agreed readily to this..….... Anyway we decked him out from head to toe in the gear with hats and flags tied everywhere and face paints plastered on the remaining visible flesh. In order to give our 'mannequin' a bit of a shine and aid with keeping him motionless, we also glazed him with apricot glaze from the cafe. This worked a treat apart from a few encounters with wasps whereby Satheesh deserted his podium.....upturned MandS crate.....and shocked the hell out of the queue as a mini sized mannequin galloped past them persued by a troup of wasps with the scent of apricot in their nostrils....yes,wasps have nostrils.......

All in All though he made a highly effective, albeit diminutive, mannequin and many people stopped to view the merchandise he sported often commenting on the lovely smell of apricot.

I feel moved to suggest my idea to Howard but appreciate some might have concern with staff being press ganged into costume as it were, but, again, I checked with Fagoon whether we were in effect bullying them to which she responded, “ bullying? I'll give them bullying the little *^&% £$.”....... I'd naturally suggest the permanent till one guy as ideal for the task, with him being pretty much immovable anyway, and he'd need less glazing....you know you've all got someone in mind.