We are living in fear of the M&S mystery customer after failing a
question on both our first two visits. Had the customers asked the
actual questions they were supposed to, we may have had a chance! The
first one fell to me, an elderly lady asking for guacamole, which I
showed her.....NOT according to the form where I'd apparently NOT
explained which ham was in the deli deal!
Liam had the pleasure of the second one when, too his shame, he failed
to explain or upsell a promo deal that hadn't started yet! His psychic
powers once again letting him down.
Since this we have all been on tenterhooks every time a customer asks
for help to the point of getting annoying with our OTT customer service,
being as both the first 2 customers were elderly ladies we are targeting
geriatric customers, if they look confused all the better .... Liams
even offered to do their ironing.......but the thing is, now when a
customer interaction where I've been expressly helpful DOESN'T turn out
to be the M&S mystery shopper I feel cheated and cheap!
We had 3x 5 litre screenwashes out back so with 2 in one hand one in the
other I carried them out to the bunker, at the door I had to side step a
gentleman who upon seeing my hand full remarked in a very camp way,
“mmmm strong fingers” ! I believe myself to have gone beetroot red at
this stage and could think of absolutely nothing to say in response. I
only hope he wasn't the m&s mystery customer.
In the weird and wonderful world of bp S&V actions reveals that the
corkscrews allocated to M&S stores are in fact classed as, 'potential
offensive weapons'. I see this completely and imagine there are many
many admissions to A&E daily whereby the patient has had the top of his
head screwed off in an act of street brutality. “stand still you *******
I'm gonna unscrew your ********** head”
On opening up my most recent breakfast sausage muffin for purposes of
saucing, I discovered instead of the usual 4 halves spread sadly across
the muffin I in fact had 5! An extra for which I was not charged and,
fearing disciplinary action I promptly discarded the extra half. T'would
have been far too sausagey anyway.
I now worry however that some muffin customer somewhere will receive a
muffin with half a sausage short and unless they use at least 4 packets
of sauce the extra dryness of the muffin will seal their mouths shut for
several agonising minutes. At least they wont be in a position to
complain....
Imagine the casualty depts surprise if they get an unscrewed head
followed by a muffin glued mouth?
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