BP's Got Talent

Despite our normal gift for self publication, bp is rarely on our tv screens in an advertising sense....obviously we were on tv 24/7 for a significant part of 2010, but not quite in the sense I hoped.....badly blackened sea birdy's don't sell screenwash and the like.......We don't seem to do tv advertising and I think that's a shame, what we need is our own Howard...not Mr Nunn, we have him, I mean Halifax Howard, the all singing all dancing former bank clerk. We have many gifted folk within our organisation crying out to expose themselves.....so to speak......take for example,

Guyscliffe's own young Liam who is a dance fanatic, seldom a day goes by when he's not waiting for me, jigging excitedly round the office with his latest dance move. I honestly don't know the difference between his gyrations but he seems spirited enough.......

Then there's another (former) dsm of mine, Helen at Ashchurch who fancies herself as a bit of a diva, there are many a huddle sung at Ashchurch, believe me. Her dedicated warblings would be perfect for prime time tv sandwiched in the middle of Corrie. But everyone'd be off making a cuppa? I hear you protest.......exactly!

The opportunities are endless, Sarah from Ashchurch tap dances in her spare time, Charlie at Raunds has entered each and every X Factor (rejected, not pre-watershed friendly, I think he sings songs with sexual swearwords in them), Calam from Fourways sung at the Christmas party! ….I was opposite him and can vouch for his …..loudness. Actual tunefulness we could work on later.

Barry from Rugby Rd heard about my mission and immediately rang me up to offer his services, “I've been line dancin for years!” he proclaimed, “watch this” ...I protested that we were on the phone and I couldn't actually see his efforts, but to no avail, and it was 10 minutes of distant clumping before he came back on the line, puffing and panting, “hows that” he queried?

And then theres Malpas's own Welsh male voice choir stalwart Paul, who boasts that, while Tom Jones had women throwing their underwear at him for years, he (Pauly) had them throwing overcoats......

Now, obviously all this talent would need harnessing in a 'showbusiness style' and will take careful direction, who better to handle an extravaganza of petroleum related song and dance, than Solihull's own queen of the musical, Sam?

I discussed this with Sammy, “ at last!, you don't know how long I've waited for this mate” she cried. “How Camp can I go?” …..obviously I translated this from Wednesbury for the uninitiated, what she actually said contained a lot of yowams and a whole load of we'ums......

She immediately proposed a kids from fame style singalonga (dance) rampage across the forecourt, using car bonnets and the like, I'm not sure Hsse would go for that but I would run the script past Nigel Collison for approval. They'd probably want something a little more sedate.....Safety Alert 73 Liam falls from a Ford Fiesta whilst enacting a 'petroleum related' cha cha cha .....

I also know for a fact that, Ann from Bedworth has long been a frustrated performer, although I'm not sure we could fit a ventriloquist in the advert....... I asked, “where's your dummy?” she replied, “take yer pick” …..

Obviously the Halifax doctor well known tunes and ditties to advertise their products and we would have to do the same. Luckily Mike O'Shea writes ad jingles as a hobby in his spare time (Mr's O'S strictly regulates post work activities ) and, in fact, has a nectar jingle all prepared to the tune of, A whole lotta Rosie. I'm sure Ac/Dc wont mind.....

Now you really wouldn't expect me to do one of these and forget the immortal Brendan... Brendan and Mr's Brendan just happen to be, All Tamworth Ballroom Champions (over 40's section) for 4 years running. It would have been 5 but for Brendan arriving at the last one late in his bespangled bp trousers, not bespangled enough sadly and he was disqualified much to Mr's Brendan's chagrin.... he's still sleeping in the shed to this day.....he'd spent his whole shift as well gluing the sequins on as well.